Monday, March 03, 2008
RE: Having some IT problems?????
hide details 5:02 PM (2 hours ago) Reply
Have Fun!
Cheers,
************************************************************
Dear Tech Support ,
I've just upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and have noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance--particularly in the flower
and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.6 and then installed undesirable
programs
such as NRL 5.1, AFL 4.5 the Ashes 3.0 and Golf clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 just crashes the
system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no
avail.
What can I do??
Signed Desperate.
************************************************************
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband
1.0
is an operating system.
Please enter the command "http: I Thought You Loved Me. html " and try to
download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.3 update. If that
application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the
applications Flowers 3.5 and Jewelry 2.0.
But remember, overuse of the above applications can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1
Beer 6.1 is a very bad application and will activate the Snoring Loudly Beta
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother In Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the
background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources)
Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are
unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
and
cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional
software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7
Good Luck, Tech Support
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Posted by mingsworld.com ::
7:39 PM ::
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Thursday, February 21, 2008
Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (You MUST read them aloud)
English
Chinese
That's not right
Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive?
Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me ASAP
Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man
Dum Fuk
Small Horse
Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?
Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table
Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni
I think you need a face lift
Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here
Wai So Dim
I thought you were on a diet
Wai Yu Mun Ching
This is a tow away zone
No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week
Wai Yu Kum Nao
Staying out of sight
Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile
Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive
Yu Stin Ki Pu
Great
Fa Kin Su Pa
Posted by mingsworld.com ::
10:03 PM ::
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Monday, September 10, 2007
CHILDREN
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...
here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit?
We have forbidden fruit?
Hey Eve...we have forbidden fruit!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit! " said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!"
God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend
the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY:
Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your nursing home one day.
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN"
AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!
Quick, send this on to ten people within the next five minutes.
Absolutely not a thing will happen if you don't, but if you do,
ten people will be laughing
Posted by mingsworld.com ::
9:31 PM ::
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Friday, April 27, 2007
AHHHH….. The young and enthusiastic!Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believethat we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more orless, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, lether sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave herlittle jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the endof the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containingten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggestedthat she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the nextday to start a savings account.When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equallyimpressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked lastweek with a real construction crew building the new house next door tous." "Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be workingon the house again this week, too?" The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fuckin' sheet rock."
Posted by mingsworld.com ::
11:05 PM ::
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Thursday, April 19, 2007
Major Water Study At Stanford...
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists at Stanford have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E.coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine (or beer, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink lots of wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.
Dr James Verminpoo, Phd
Posted by mingsworld.com ::
10:18 PM ::
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Friday, April 13, 2007
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English" .
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.
Posted by mingsworld.com ::
5:24 PM ::
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Friday, October 27, 2006
In Honor of Stupid People...
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer...
Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos...
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap...
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be...?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners...
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom)...
"Do not turn upside down."
(Well, duh! A bit late, huh?)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding...
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...And you thought...?)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron...
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine...
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid...
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(I'm taking this because...?)
On most brands of Christmas lights...
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor...
"Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts...
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts...
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)
On a child's Superman costume...
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw...
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Posted by mingsworld.com ::
11:32 AM ::
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Giggles
